I’ve come to a point where I have started to evaluated the relationships in my life. This led me to the conclusion that friendships are not something you should work for. To many times do you awkwardly run into someone and make uncomfortable small talk, then promise to get together soon. I started looking at the list of friends on Facebook, almost 300 acquaintances. I will be the first to admit that, aside from the handful I interact with in person and via phone, I do not like a lot of them. A lot of the time there the first to insight unnecessary comments or be the instigator in a conversation. I’ve taken the block/delete/unfriend button into my real life. I have been known to have the ability to cut people out when I am done with them, and that is what I’ve started to do again. I can’t be around people I have to force myself to be civil to, not even nice. People who get off on others misery, because they themselves are so miserable. This is the fuel that lit the fire for this post. Monday while on my lunch break I logged in to Facebook, only to find hurtful, petty comments posted on a photo. The person posting these comments was someone I don’t really like, I see no good in them or having them in my life, but i remained civil out of respect of others who still have a relationship with this person. That was really my last straw on this build up on feelings. I spent the rest of my day fuming over those comments and my co-work whom I’d also call a friend had to listen to me. Once I realized I was playing right into exactly what that person aimed to do I snapped out of it. When I got home that evening I “blocked” and “unfriended”. I don’t feel bad about that decision, no loss to me. That is the mentality I am going to carry with me from now on.
Lately I’ve just felt so displaced. I need a facial, a hair cut, a dye job, to re evaluate my style and surround myself with positive thoughts. I need to keep my anxiety to a minimum, and start making some decisions. I’ve had the privilege of experiencing some people who are beautiful inside in out, Courtney who I posted about a few weeks ago and then recently Carrie Russell whom I mentioned on my blog for IRON PLUME. I just wish I could feel that way about myself and project that to world around me, but I’m far to passive aggressive for my own good.
Sometimes we get to a point in our lives where we start to feel stuck, and need change. I think I’ve reached that point, I am tried of my everyday routine. I put it down to my current displacement, living out of boxes not sure when I’ll be living in my own house. So I’ve started making plans to feel comfortable again. Taking care of myself the way I used to, designing my new living space, for whenever I finally move in.
Just more rambling of an anxious, neuortic girl. There is a reason this blog is called shes got issues.
